Day 506: Bloody Hilarious.

Yesterday, I was explaining how to create nightmare tactical offerings that convert wildly online… offers like ‘High Ticket Sales’ that’ll attract you copious amounts of broke, desperate, needy clients with ADHD on steroids that charge back the fees they paid you.

However…

Offers like:

‘Become the Best Business Coach You Can Be’

Or

‘New Revolutionary Business Coaching Software That’ll Take Your New Coaching Clients Results and Your Retention to the Next Level’

Will attract principal-driven coaches that pay, stay, smile and refer.

*Yes Please*

Anyhoo….

Your ONE COACHING THING today is: 

‘No One Gets Out Alive’

I’m not going to bombard you with my take-away offers and online crap to buy when you should be laughing and enjoying your family…

Instead, here’s a play by play of my experience as an unsuspecting judge in a Thanksgiving hot chili contest in New Mexico.

My hope is, it’ll make you smile :o)

—–

“Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off…

I was asking for directions to the Coors Light truck when the call came in and Judge #3 couldn’t make it…

I’m a business coach so they somehow made the connection that I’d be a good judge of talent.

I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy…

Besides, they told me I could have free Coors light during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3.”

Here are the scorecards and notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Unsuspecting Business Coach) — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff..?

It could remove dried paint from your driveway.

Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

Hope these guys buy some business coaching from me when I’m done… first order of business will be less spice in the chili.

CHILI # 2 – EL RANCHO’S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 (Unsuspecting Business Coach) — Keep this out of the reach of children.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich Maneuver.

They had to rush in more free beer when they saw my eyes start to cross.

CHILI # 3 – ALFREDO’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 (Unsuspecting Business Coach) — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill.

My nose feels like I have been snorting Extra Strength Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now… Get me more free beer before I ignite.

Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest.

I’m getting red-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 (Unsuspecting Business Coach) — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it.

Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.

Sally weighs in at about 300 pounds, not that there’s anything wrong with that, she’s wearing pants that don’t fit, has ketchup all over her apron and she’s starting to look pretty HOT…

Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating!

Question, is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 (Unsuspecting Business Coach) — My ears won’t stop ringing, sweat is pouring down my face and I can no longer control my eye movement.

I accidentally, everything is accidental at this point, let a fart go with four people behind me.

One starting gagging and the other three threw up.

The contestant, Lisa, seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage.

Sally stopped my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher.

I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. I got a little annoyed when the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

CHILI # 6 – VARGA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 (Unsuspecting Business Coach) — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames.

I pooped a little when I farted, and I’m worried it might eat through the chair.

No one is willing to walk behind me.

Except, Sally.

Can’t feel my lips anymore. I’m going to need to wipe my butt with a snow cone later.

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **Please take note that I’m worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he’s cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 (Unsuspecting Business Coach) — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing.

I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it’s made of rushing water.

My shirt’s covered in chili, at this point about half it just slides unnoticed out the side of my mouth.

My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me.

If not, I figure Sally can fill them in.

I’ve decided to just stop breathing… it’s too painful.

I’m not really getting any oxygen anyway.

If I need air, I’ll just ask Sally for mouth to mouth. If that doesn’t work she can use the new 4 inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 shit his pants, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to the hot chili?

Judge # 3 (Unsuspecting Business Coach) — Judge #3 Unable to report.

——

Coach, your marching orders for today are:

1.  Do not take yourself too seriously.

2.  Forward this to a few coaching friends that need a good hard belly laugh.

3. Turn your computer off… throw your phone in the nearest lake and go enjoy your family, friends and loved ones.

I’ll speak to you tomorrow and report back on how the next few days went after the Chili judging.

Love to you and your family.

I’m grateful you read my daily diatribe,

Karl Bryan aka King Karl

PS. When life blesses you financially… raise your standard of giving before you raise your standard of living.

PPS. Marriages break up from lack of money… over lack of love X 100.

Business failures lead to destruction, addiction, depression, anxiety, suicides, and unfortunately, far more.

As good business coaches, we save marriages, save families, save kids from self-destruction… we save lives!

A true life of purpose.

PPPS. If you’re looking for a proven system to follow for your coaching…. I created Profit Acceleration Software™ as well as our Digital Acceleration Software™ and high-end step-by-step training to support it…

It’ll teach you ‘How to find any small business owner $100,000 in 45 minutes without them spending an extra dollar on marketing or advertising.’

Imagine finding your annual $12,000 to $50,000 coaching fees BEFORE you started coaching your new clients?!  And a proven coaching system created for you to follow with your new coaching client.

Reply to this if you want to start following a proven coaching system.

PPPS. Forward this to someone that needs to subscribe to my daily emails and get a limited time, complimentary subscription to my business coaching magazine go here:

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PPPPS. They tell me my Podcast is Ric Flair style, Money Makin, Client Getten, Joint Venture Landing, Event Fillin, High-End Coaching Client Findin Gold For Business Coaches.

Entertaining, Informative, Uncensored, Unedited:

Business Coaching Secrets