Day 506: My Bum

 

Yesterday I told you to throw your phone in the lake, why I don’t have anything to sell you… chili’s an aphrodisiac and apparently when Sally farts, it means:

‘Wow, nice chili…’

*If you didn’t see yesterday’s message, the feedback says you should read it for a good hard laugh*

In other news…

If you’re not content today… nothing you buy from the influencer on FB will change that.

Anyhoo…

Your ONE COACHING THING Today Is:

‘The Next Day…’

What happens when I sit in as a judge for the New Mexican Hot Chili Cookoff…?

Glad you asked.

I’ll start by saying I accidently booked myself solid.

7:59am: My first call is done and it’s time… there’s a concerning noise and movement coming from my bowels.

Kinda like a snake eating a mouse…

… I shotgun a 10oz bottle of liquid grape flavored Imodium like it’s a Coors Light that’d been sitting in the sun for 2 weeks.

The liquid Imodium is supposed to be grape flavored but it’s quite clear whoever led the R&D team needs some coaching… cause they have clearly never actually tasted anything ‘grape flavored’ in their life.

I was already regretting the liquid Imodium decision when I read the fine print… ‘in extreme situations it can accelerate bowel movements’.

Oh dear…

8:06am: I deep throat a ham sandwich like I’ve been saving for the apocalypse because let’s face it…that time is here for me.

Hold onto that thought.

I’m about to enter a very dark period in my life.

8:37am: The pressure is growing and the unwelcome noises are getting louder. I already have 5 pounds of chili in my colon from yesterday and I think I just drank the “safe for humans” version of Extra Strength Drano.

I feel a very non solid poop coming on. I think it’s time…

… I was wrong.

Just a wet fart and I’ve got other underwear I can change into.

No biggie.

12:57 pm: The little “safe for humans” science experiment I accidentally participated in is about to reach boiling point.

My stomach is angry.

I had exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but I couldn’t run… my instincts and, more to the point, the elasticity of my butthole told me:

DON’T RUN AND UNDO YOUR PANTS TO SAVE YOURSELF VERY VALUABLE TIME.

Almost there.

3…2…1…

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, Mother of God…is this real life and actually happening?

My confusion reminded me of the first time I tried mary jane in high school.

My cheeks barely hit the seat when the lava like mixture sprayed the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle deflecting in every direction.

Except down.

… Is that blood?

*False alarm*

Just remnants of Thanksgiving cherry pie I ate… when I was 5.

The smell was horrid and the sound of liquid exiting my body made my dog whimper…

I tried to clench what’s left of my bum but it wasn’t gonna work.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything’s a blur.

At this point I had sh*t out everything I’d ever eaten since the day I was born.

Including everything my ancestors had eaten since the early 1800’s.

My bum feels like a flaming hot Cheeto with Jalapeno chili seeds stuck in it from

Bubba’s hot chili entry.

I was now curled up in the bathtub, ugly crying, because I had to remain within arm’s reach of the toilet at all times and need a snow cone to wipe.

I have the poop sweats.

Maybe the chili somehow triggered me into menopause@#$%^&*!

Is that a thing..?

I might text Sally.

8:37pm: I know my family will try but never be able to unsee the things they’ve seen in the last 8 hours. No amount of counselling is going to help them.

But here’s what I tell myself.

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” ~ Stuart

Smalley SNL

You heard it here first.

Put your wallet away and love on your friends and family.

Obsessed with your business coaching success,

Karl Bryan aka King Karl

PS. Your greatest contribution to this world might not be something you do… but someone you raise or help rise up.

PPS. Marriages break up from lack of money… over lack of love X 100.

Business failures lead to destruction, addiction, depression, anxiety, suicides, and unfortunately, far more.

As good business coaches we save marriages, save families, save kids from self-destruction… we save lives!

A true life of purpose.

PPPS. If you’re looking for a proven system to follow for your coaching…. I created Profit Acceleration Software™ as well as our Digital Acceleration Software™ and high-end step by step training to support it…

It’ll teach you ‘How to find any small business owner $100,000 in 45 minutes without them spending an extra dollar on marketing or advertising.’

Imagine finding your annual $12,000 to $50,000 coaching fees BEFORE you started coaching your new clients?!  And a proven coaching system created for you to follow with your new coaching client.

Reply to this if you want to start following a proven coaching system.

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